guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
