i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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