so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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