Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
