I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
4 words: hood of his car
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
