If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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