My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
