I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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