Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
