Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
love makes seman taste better
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
