My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
