just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
a search helicopter?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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