I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
