I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
