i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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