What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
