Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
