my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
