I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
