"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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