i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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