What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
