mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
