i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
