from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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