I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
