and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
