The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
