i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
