You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
