My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
