Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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