I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
