So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
