ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
