I smell stomach acid.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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