I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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