They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
