She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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