tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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