He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
