Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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