So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
