your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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