He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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