So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
