so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
