dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
