My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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