Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
