I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
