we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She told me I should be a condom model.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
