Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This baby is an asshole
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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