Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
