Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize