Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
