I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize