apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
