Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
