you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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