i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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