party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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