So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
