every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
