my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
