How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
