well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
