Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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