i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
