sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
