my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
