he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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