Is it normal to miss your booty call?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
