I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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