just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
