can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
