dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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