I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
