ya dads aren't the best wingmen
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize