wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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