i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
