Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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