Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
