I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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