Three words: puerto rican gang bang
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
