before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
