I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
