im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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